Rule #23 - When a parent is upset at you don’t answer comments, answer questions only.

As a school administrator, particularly assistant principals, you are on the front line with all student issues. More than likely, you are handling all the discipline situations or on a team of assistant principals. Importantly, most school districts require you to call the parent and inform them of a situation involving their son or daughter, and informing them of the consequences, if any.  Effective communication with parents is essential to the success of a school administrator. I have taken this particular rule from many years of experience as a high school basketball referee, and it has served me well. In an intense basketball game, the coach most invariably is trying to swing momentum or seeking an advantage on both sides of the court. The coach knows you are going to eventually run or stand near him/her and is going to give you an earful, even if he/she knows you are right, they want an advantage at another opportunity in the game. More than likely they are making a comment and not asking a question, and it does not serve you well to answer every comment. The back and forth will not gain you respect with the coach. All they want is acknowledgement and that you are listening and respect their view.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Just the same as a parent of a student you are disciplining, more than likely they are going to acknowledge in the conversation, they know their child better than you, they know the student is apt to making mistakes or acknowledge their behavior at home or in the past, but they are not going down without a fight and they are going to let you know. The art of listening and understanding the parents’ tone, especially in a phone conversation is key.

Your success in the conversation is listening, letting the other parent make their point, acknowledging the parent, thanking them for their support, and taking their phone call, especially if they are at work. Always focus on the student’s action or behavior not the student. While awkward at times, I have used silence at my end of a phone conversation with parents in order to diffuse the upper hand they are trying to gain over the situation. Always be polite, be thankful, and emphasize the partnership you have together in their student’s success at your school. Answer only questions pertaining to the situation, and don’t get baited into any comments. Only in fishing and hunting is it bad for the bait. Your role as an assistant principal is to be objective in the decision making process of a student discipline situation. Don’t ever take anything said by a parent personal. You are professional after all, and you must remain professional. It will help you grow as an aspiring principal.